Elks asked to resign

Elk:http://www.theonion.com/article/department-interior-asks-resignation-obama-era-elk-55872

Department Of Interior Asks For Resignation Of Obama-Era Elk

WASHINGTON—In order to ensure a uniform transition to the new administration, the Department of Interior on Thursday requested the immediate resignation of all Obama-era elk. “We are asking all elk appointed by President Obama, regardless of subspecies, to step down from their posts by no later than June 1,” said Secretary of the Interior Ryan Zinke, adding that the dismissal of more than a million of the ungulate land mammals was not unlike restructurings carried out by past administrations that wished to staff the nation’s forests and mountain ranges with their own personnel. “We would like to thank the departing elk for the grazing they have provided, and we welcome their assistance as we transition to the new herds. We are, of course, excited to start working with our incoming elk, whose migration patterns and antler-shedding cycles are more compatible with the vision of the Trump White House.” At press time, many of the elk that had been fired had taken to the media to bugle in protest.
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Americans Urged To Get Saving $30,000 Out Of Way Before Obamacare Repealed

WASHINGTON—Stressing that citizens who failed to heed the recommendation were putting their health and well-being at risk, experts strongly urged Americans this week to get saving $30,000 out of the way before a Republican-controlled federal government repeals Obamacare. “You’re going to want to make sure you have that $30,000 squared away by early next year when the Affordable Care Act is dismantled and you wind up paying for doctor visits, hospital stays, and prescription medications out of pocket, so it’s best to start pinching pennies now,” said financial planning expert Dianne McGuigan, who advised the 22 million Americans covered under the Affordable Care Act and its Medicaid expansion provisions to stash away $6,000 from every paycheck between now and mid-January as a precautionary measure for when their health coverage is eliminated, before further recommending the same saving plan to all other presently insured Americans in case they or their family members lose their jobs in the future. “Try to cut back wherever you can by taking public transit and eating meals at home, and then put aside a few thousand dollars here or there that you might otherwise have used on going to the movies or buying a coffee; that way, you can give yourself a little extra buffer.” Experts added that anyone with a preexisting medical condition should aim to save up an additional $90,000 before January.
http://www.theonion.com/article/americans-urged-get-saving-30000-out-way-obamacare-54684