Dream

So last night I dreamt that a lady hired me to work in her movie theater.

She immediately sat me down at a desk and handed me a stack of paperwork to go through. I start looking through it and this family approaches me. It’s a middle aged man and women and two teenage kids. The woman says they want to see a movie but they want independent lighting. I have no clue what independent lighting means so I start going through the paperwork to see if the answer is there. The woman sarcastically says that they want to see the movie today.

So I get up from the desk to find the woman who hired me and I see her working behind the counter. The theater lobby is packed with people and she is frantically busy, and I feel bad that I can’t really help but she never trained me to do anything. I shout at her over the din that this family wants to see a film with independent lighting. She points down the hall and says take them there.

So I wave for the family to follow me and I start down the hall. But the throng of people in the lobby also starts moving down the hall at the same time so it’s a struggle to get through. At some point I lose the family in the crowd but eventually the hall opens up into a bright, sunlit field. I look across the field and I see the family on the other side walking towards me. 5 or 6 other people were walking with the family and all of them were wearing Rams jerseys. Suddenly I am walking with them and I notice now I am also wearing a Rams jersey. It’s the Jack Snow jersey from the Sears catalog I got when I was a little kid.

I look across the field and we are walking towards another group of people wearing Vikings jerseys. They break in a run towards us and we do the same. I notice Colin Kaepernick is in front of me. His head is shaved. I ask him where his helmet is (although nobody was wearing a helmet) and he says Cooks has it on the bus. So just before we collide with the people in Vikings jerseys, they disappear and we’re climbing on the bus.

I sit down in the front by the accordion-style door, but the door remains open as we drive off. We’re driving slowly by these cars parked along the road and I see my friend in a Vikings jersey. He has his keys out to unlock the driver side door on one of the parked cars. I grab a blind man’s cane from the seat beside me and reach out the door and smack my friend on the butt with the cane. Kaepernick tells me how rude he thinks that was but I assure him he was a good friend and knows it was a joke.

As the bus drives on I notice we are in LA. I think to myself how my other friend Scott will be upset that my wife and I moved to LA and didn’t invite him out for a visit. I try to think of excuses to give for this oversight and decide I’ll tell him it’s because my wife and I never go downtown to see the sights anyway because there’s no place to park and it’s so big we’ll get lost. But then I realize I’m on a bus so that excuse wouldn’t work because he’d say why not take the bus. I look out the window and notice a minor league baseball stadium with an amusement park around it and think to myself that there is a lot to do in LA so maybe we should take advantage of it.

At that point the bus turns left and ends up in a residential neighborhood. We come to a stop sign and I notice a large grey bird flying above us. I immediately think to myself ‘great blue heron’ but then say to myself “you always just assume it’s a great blue heron whenever you see a large grey bird. Why don’t you really look at it to make sure.” So I look at the bird and as it is about to land it transforms into a velociraptor. I think to myself, “see, it pays not to assume. Now you get to see a velociraptor.”

So the velociraptor approaches the bus and another one runs up beside it with a crow in its mouth that it was in the process of eating. I notice the raptors are CGI, but really old CGI, like you’d see in a cheap video game from the late 90s. I reach out the window with the blind man’s cane (I am no longer in a bus, now I’m in the back seat of a big 1970’s sedan) and reach out the window and smack the velociraptor with the crow on top of the head with the cane. I hear a crabby woman I work with in the real world exclaim how irresponsible that is from somewhere behind me.

I then notice a group of aliens moving toward the car. They are also bad CGI and look like the mucous creature from the Muconex commercials. They looked happy. I poke one in the face with the cane and his smile transformed into an enraged snarl and previously unseen eyeballs open up all over his head.

At that point I was awaken by my wife shouting for me to get out of bed already.